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| From | Message | Posted by kestutis
www6conf.org
4/16/2008
23:24:07
Play online chess |  Subject: Chess jokes
Message:
How about some jokes related to chess?
I found one that made me laugh outloud:
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
| Posted by chessnovice
www6conf.org
4/17/2008
03:10:18
Play online chess | always been my favorite
Message:
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
| Posted by taufiq
www6conf.org
4/17/2008
04:37:56
Play online chess | ...
Message:
A chess master died at his chessboard - and after a few days, a good friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?"
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are chess tournaments with incredible classical, rapids and blitz sessions going on all the time 24/7 with Morphy, Stenitz, Pillsbury, Dr. Lasker, Capablanca, Alekhine, Dr. Euwe, Botvinnik, Bronstein, Tal, Petrosian, they're all here, and you can play any one of them at anytime."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "so what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday." ———
Day After Chess Championship, Victor and Vanquished Reflect on the Match — One day after their title match in Sofia, Bulgaria, ended, Viswanathan Anand, the once and still chess champion, and Veselin Topalov were tired, but proud. In separate telephone interviews on Wednesday, Anand and Topalov expressed satisfaction with their own efforts and said it was the most intense chess match they had ever played. “This is my first world chess championship match that has gone the distance,” said Anand. Referring to his earlier title matches against Vladimir Kramnik in 2008, which he won, and Garry Kasparov in 1995, which he lost, he continued, “With Kramnik it went like a dream, with Kasparov it went the opposite way.” Topalov said, “Every single game was ... Posted by akisame
www6conf.org
4/17/2008
06:03:45
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
Beating your friend at chess - fun.
Beating Chewbacca at chess - wookie mistake. ———
Anand Is World Chess Champion Again — Viswanathan Anand, the world chess champion, took advantage of a major error by Veselin Topalov to win the 12th and final game of their title match on Tuesday in Sofia, Bulgaria. The match had been tied at 5.5 points apiece. In addition to the title, Anand receives 1.2 million euros (about $1.5 million at current exchange rates). Topalov’s share of the prize fund is 800,000 euros, or about $1 million. Anand, an Indian grandmaster, became world chess champion by winning a tournament in Mexico City in 2007. He last defended the title in a match against Vladimir Kramnik, a Russian, in October 2008. Topalov, a Bulgarian, is a former world chess champion. He lost a bitter title match to ... Posted by akisame
www6conf.org
4/17/2008
06:22:07
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
A seaside town was hosting a world caliber chess tournament. Two days into the tournament, one of the competitors, finished with his game, decides to go for a swim. After a few minutes, he is heard crying out; it is discovered that a shark has taken a bite out of his leg. Everyone is alarmed, but assurances are given that the shark will be found, and it was after all small bite.
The next day another tournament player goes swimming, and his leg also has a bite taken out of it. Same thing the third day. Strangely, though there are other people at the beach, it is only the chess players that are being nibbled.
In an effort to assure the public and keep the tournament from collapsing, a strong net is placed around the beach and the queen is asked if she can intervene. "It is well known that you play chess, your Majesty. There is a protective net up now, and if you can swim safely, then the players will be reassured and the people can feel comfortable on our beaches again. The queen agrees, and goes for a quick swim. She has been out for only a minute when she yelps. She is quickly pulled out of the water, and her leg inspected. Lo and behold, another shark bite. This time however, it appears the shark dd not remove any flesh. The public is told tha queen has emerged in one piece.
The tabloids cannot resist the story.
The next day's headlines read "Queen's gam bit, declined." ———
Title Match Is Tied With One Game to Go in Regulation — There is one more regulation game left in the World Chess Championship match in Sofia, Bulgaria. If neither Viswanathan Anand of India, the titleholder, or Veselin Topalov of Bulgaria, win on Tuesday, they will have to go to overtime. On Sunday, they drew Game 11. It was the seventh draw in the match, though, like some of the other draws, it was not without drama. Anand had White and opened with the English — the first time in the chess match he had done that. No doubt he switched openings to try to catch Topalov off-guard, but it did not work. The players followed well-known theory for 10 moves, and then Topalov deviated from earlier games, though it was a minor ... Posted by ionadowman
www6conf.org
4/17/2008
13:49:09
Play online chess | The rivalry...
Message:
... between Aleksandr Alekhine and Efim Bogoljobov was as intense as any the chessboard had seen, and the vitriol was never far from the surface. Finally, in exasperation, Alekhine told this story:
"Last night, I had a dream... I dreamed I had died, and was wafted to the gates of heaven. There I stood at the Pearly Gates accosted by St Peter, who asked my who I was.
Says I, 'I am Aleksandr Aleksandrovitch Alekhine, Chess Champion of the World!'
'Chess Champion!" says St Peter, "We don't allow chess players to enter the Kingdom of Heaven! To the nether place you must go!'
Well, feeling disconsolate, I was about to turn away, when who should drift by but Bogoljobov, complete with angel wings and halo, plinking a harp and floating on a cloud.
'Hang on a moment!" says I, "What about Bogoljubov here? He's a chess player and you let him in!'
'Bogojubov a chess player?" quoth the Saintly Doorkeeper,
'Nah! He just thinks he is!' "
Cheers,
Ion
———
Anand's missed opportunity — The chess World Championship is on a knife-edge. But Anand could have made a mark in this game. Anand and Topalov go into the 12th game of their chess match today with scores level. If drawn, tie-break rapid games will be played on Thursday. Topalov's declaration before the match that he would neither offer nor accept a draw has clearly had a liberating effect on both players, resulting in one of the most entertaining world chess championship finals we have seen in years. All the games have been long and hard-fought, so it's hardly surprising that tiredness is affecting play. Anand missed several chances to win in game 9, Topalov had a promising endgame in game 10 but ... Posted by tag1153
www6conf.org
4/18/2008
08:43:42
Play online chess | as told by Capablanca
Message:
"I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."
"Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black with perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"
"I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."
"Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."
"It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."
About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"
"Why, we killed him, of course."
———
Playing for the World Title, Minus Any Fireworks — Before a world chess championship match, players spend months looking at their opponent’s games and studying opening systems, often with the aid of chess computers and databases. They also hire trainers, who are called seconds, to help. It is a time- and labor-intensive process. That is one of the reasons that fans look forward to the chess matches. They want to see what the players will do and what new ideas they have discovered, particularly in the openings. The current world chess championship match between Viswanathan Anand of India, the titleholder, and Veselin Topalov of Bulgaria has been as closely contested as predicted. But there have been no eye-opening innovations. Game ... Posted by caro-kann
www6conf.org
4/23/2008
03:28:11
Play online chess | A horrible joke ;)
Message:
One weekend, a major chess tournament was held between lots of players. Each player played 4 games against everyone else in their group, then the winners of each group would do the same against each other. In the final match, the winner easily defeated the loser 4-0. However, this sort of tournament takes a long time, and goes from morning to afternoon. Lunch is served between games.
The press come in to congratulate the winner and to interview him. The first few questions go along swimmingly, however, the next question is not fully heard. The winner's reply is though :
I started out with two Fried Livers - really robust, strong openers - even I was surprised at my own audacity to try it. In the middle, I had a nice King's Indian - every piece complemented each other thorougly, with lots of depth in the preparation - a true flash of brilliance. To finish it off, I decided on the Danish. It was an interesting thing - the many layers and discoveries that were made. It was a sweet ending.
To answer your question, I thoroughly enjoyed that particular lunch.
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